“A woman is the full circle. Within her is the ability to create, nurture, and transform.” – Diane Mariechild
I’ve been preoccupied with feelings of inadequacy as my due date approaches at breakneck speed. I wake up every morning trying to plan for unforeseen changes to come. As a first-time mom, I’m excited and looking forward to having my own baby to spend time with and to raise a family with a man I already respect so much as a dad. But I’m also TERRIFIED of being a mom. I was a nanny (mostly a live-in one at that) for many years, so it’s not that I fear not knowing how to change diapers, maintain a sleep schedule, or feed a kid. And I was even a know-it-all / hardass nanny who had all of these things down pat in the interest of someone else’s beloved child and family. But now that I’m going to have my own child, I fear that I won’t know what I’m doing, I’m scared I won’t bond with my baby in the same kind of ways, and I worry that I won’t maintain a lot of those healthy behaviors and patterns that once fit so easily into childcare routines. Mostly I am preoccupied with *how* this new identity is going to fit me. WHO will I be? Certainly not the me I know so well now. My body is already changing. Pregnancy alone has been uncomfortable, awkward, and painful. This baby is already changing my world.
My only comfort is knowing how many millions of women before me made this identity shift into motherhood from a previous autonomous lifestyle. And knowing how many amazing women are in my life who have managed to hold onto the key pieces of their identities without compromise, all the while being incredible parents to beautiful babies. This is the collective courage and grace I call upon these winter days.
Kristy is a Bend Oregon Based Wedding & Engagement Photographer who enjoys talking about her recent dive into motherhood and holistic living.